Making the choice to be a surrogate for a family is not a simple choice, as there are such a large number of things to think about. The physical and emotional changes that pregnancy brings are enough to make someone second guess their decision. Despite all of this, being a surrogate sometimes means that you are giving two people the opportunity to become parents; an opportunity they may not have without you. That is something special enough to make being a surrogate worth it.
Something Wrong
When Shaniece Sturdy was 21 years old, she made a decision that she knew would change her life forever; it was the biggest choice she had to make in her life so far. She decided that she wanted to be a surrogate mother for a family! However, unexpected medical surprises occurred throughout the course of her pregnancy.
Something Wrong
Felt Off
She started feeling worried that something was wrong when she started growing drastically during her second trimester. She knew that getting bigger was just part of being pregnant, but she didn’t think getting this big so quickly was normal. Shaniece always felt extreme hunger, horrible back pains, a lot of discomforts. What was going on here?
Felt Off
In Shock
When she went to her doctor’s office for a check-up, the nurse put some cold gel on her belly and looked at the babies on an ultrasound machine. She told Shaniece not to worry, “These symptoms are absolutely normal for a first pregnancy,” she said in a reassuring tone. The black and grey colors on the screen showed everything looked normal, but Shaniece couldn’t shake the feeling she was having.
In Shock
Calling For The Doctor
All of a sudden the nurse froze in her tracks, which made Shaniece say, “Is everything okay?” Instead of answering Shaniece’s question, she called for a doctor immediately. This sense of panic, of course, made Shaniece a bit weary. She sat on the bed as patiently as she could while she waited for the doctor, hoping nothing was wrong.
Calling For The Doctor
Family Matters
Shaniece knew that when she got a bit older, she’d want a big family of her own. Her parents were a true love story, having been together since they were 16, and her older sister married her childhood sweetheart right after they graduated from college.
Family Matters
Family Pains
However, Shaniece did not think she would see so much pain and sadness in a young marriage like her sister’s. She noticed that her sister and her husband were so sad and upset all the time lately, and she wished she knew why and wished she could help.
Family Pains
Linda Moved Out
Shaniece was only fourteen years old when her older sister Linda moved out of their family home to start living with her partner. She no longer had to listen to any demands made of her or listen to her family members bickering with one another.
Linda Moved Out
Must Be Better
At 14, Shaniece thought that life without her sister in the house would be much better; she had the room to herself, it was quiet, and she got more attention. What could go wrong? She didn’t have to share any of her stuff anymore, so life should be better now.
Must Be Better
Missing Her
Though Shaniece had high expectations for how living without her sister would be, she soon realized that the house was much too quiet all the time for her liking. She started to really miss her sister, even if they did fight sometimes. Since they didn’t see each other as often anymore, she could feel that they were drifting apart from one another when they did see each other.
Missing Her
Secrets
Shaniece decided that she wanted to visit her big sister, so she found the nearest bus station and hopped on the next bus going toward her. When she was about to arrive at her sister and brother-in-law’s home, she saw something she would never have expected to see…
Not In Service
Something Odd
As Shaniece was pulling up to their house, she noticed that her brother-in-law was driving away very quickly in his red pickup truck. She stopped to wave at him, excited to see him, but even though she thought he’d stop and wave back, she was disappointed by what he did.
Something Odd
Weird Behavior
When Shaniece tried to give a friendly wave to her brother-in-law, he looked at her and just kept driving. She had never seen him with such an upset look on his face, and it was concerning her. What was going on here? She knew that something was off, and she was nervous to find out what.
Weird Behavior
Too Distracted
Josh was storming off in such a rush that he didn’t even notice Shaniece in front of him! Maybe he had a long day at work, or maybe something else was going on. She took a deep breath and knocked on their front door, but when the door opened, she couldn’t believe the state that she found her sister in.
Too Distracted
Not Looking Good
Her sister had mascara running down her face and Shaniece immediately knew her sister had been crying for a while. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was white as a ghost. Shaniece said, “Did he hurt you?” as she put a damp cloth on her sister’s forehead.
Not Looking Good
How To Proceed
Linda couldn’t believe what her sister just suggested and replied with a firm, “Oh my goodness, no, don’t be silly. I asked him to leave”. Shaniece still didn’t know what happened or how to proceed from here, but she knew that she had to be there to comfort her sister in whatever sadness she was feeling.
How To Proceed
Not A Lie
Shaniece took a long look at her sister’s face because she could always tell when Linda wasn’t telling the complete truth. Shaniece could see in Linda’s eyes that she was definitely telling the truth. Maybe their parents were right this whole time.
Not A Lie
Maybe They Were Right
Linda and Shaniece’s parents always said that Linda and Josh were too young to get married, and maybe they really were right in what they were saying. Shaniece wasn’t sure if she wanted to say it, but she did anyway. She looked at her sister in the eye and said, “Why did you ask him to leave, Linda?”
Maybe They Were Right
Her Explanation
Linda started crying again as she mustered out the words, “You know we’ve been trying for a year now, Shaniece. He wants to take out another loan for IVF, but we can’t afford it”. Shaniece’s heart sank into her stomach when she heard the pain in her sister’s voice.
Her Explanation
Hopeless
Linda took a tissue to her running nose before continuing, “We couldn’t even afford the first treatment. We can’t keep doing this”. Shaniece hated seeing her sister feel so much pain, and she wished there was some way she could help her.
Hopeless
Moral Support
Shaniece couldn’t help but feel some sort of sadness or guilt for her sister. She was always the strong one helping Shaniece; she’d never seen her big sister like this before. Nonetheless, she knew why Linda was feeling this way. Shaniece decided it would be best if she made the two of them some tea, wrapped her sister up in a blanket, and stayed over for the weekend.
Moral Support
Strong Words
In just this short period of time staying at her sister’s house, she convinced her to try again, just one more time, to have a baby. She had no idea, however, that this small amount of encouragement would have such a lasting impact on her older sister Linda.
Strong Words
A Tragedy
After almost two years of treatment, Linda finally became pregnant. She decided to stay on the safe side and keep this big news a secret until she got to her second trimester, but before that happened, she got the heartbreaking news that she had suffered a miscarriage.
A Tragedy
Change Of Heart
After all of the struggles she’d been facing the past few years, Linda no longer felt like she had the strength, physically nor mentally, to attempt to get pregnant again. She felt this way for quite a while, until one day something she changed. She woke up one morning with a sudden change of heart.
Change Of Heart
Falling Into Depression
After the heartwrenching loss that Linda experienced, she fell into a deep depression. Even though Shaniece did her best to be there for her sister and help her out, Linda stayed inside of the house sulking for an entire month. When Josh brought up an idea he had to fix this problem, things started to turn around for him and Linda.
Falling Into Depression
His Plan
Josh’s plan was like nothing Linda had ever thought of, but he knew that it would make her happy in the end. This could be their last shot at starting their own family, so he was willing to do whatever it would take. After feeling lost and devastated after the miscarriage, Linda found a new kind of hope after she heard Josh’s idea.
His Plan
Their Request
In order for their plan to really work, Josh would need to convince his sister to help them in a way she’d never done before. This would be a huge sacrifice for her, and he didn’t know if she would say yes or think he was crazy for asking. There was only one way for Josh and Linda to find out what his sister would think.
Their Request
Time To Ask
Josh and Linda sat his sister down at the table, and the two of them sat right across from her. The two were extremely nervous, and his sister could tell. They weren’t sure if she would be on board for what they were about to ask, but they kept their fingers crossed.
Time To Ask
Understanding
They were not going to force Josh’s sister into doing something she did not feel comfortable doing. If she said no, they would have to be understanding, as this favor was something huge to ask of someone, even if you are related to the person. When she responded to them, they couldn’t believe the words that left her mouth.
Understanding
Her Answer
Josh’s sister barely even hesitated after they finished speaking before she blurted out, “I’ll do it!” The second she spoke these words, Linda finally felt happiness and excitement again. She was terrified of what was to come, but finally, it looked like they may be able to be parents. She felt so grateful.
Her Answer
An Inspiration
This was all Josh’s idea, for his sister to be a surrogate for his and Linda’s baby. She agreed that she would do it and carry the baby for them, and they couldn’t have been happier. Shaniece could not believe how inspired and motivated she felt by this situation.
An Inspiration
Wondering
Shaniece couldn’t help but wonder if Josh’s sister had fully thought this decision through because, after all, this was going to be anything but an easy nine months for her. Regardless of the difficulties, his sister said yes with a big smile on her face. Shaniece had no idea that this decision made by Josh’s sister would make such a large impact on her future.
Wondering
Hesitations
Even though Josh’s sister agreed with no hesitation to carry out this pregnancy for her brother and sister-in-law, Linda still had some understandable hesitations. Given her past, she did not want to get her hopes up that this would come to fruition. However, she knew she had to give this one final try.
Hesitations
Last Resort
If this surrogacy did not work out as they intended, Josh and Linda would consider the option of fostering a child. After all, many children around the world are in need of a safe and welcoming home. Every day and every night, Shaniece prayed to herself that the surrogacy would work and be okay. What happened from here?
Last Resort
A Miracle
Nine months later, Josh’s sister gave birth to a healthy and perfect little baby that Linda and Josh would get to love forever. Shaniece couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of her happy sister because it made her feel happy as well. She felt like Linda deserved to be a mother, and finally, she had the chance. After seeing this happen, Shaniece made a promise to herself…
A Miracle
Her Promise
Shaniece promised herself that no matter where life took her, she would also step forward for an act of kindness in making another person’s dream of having their own baby come true. Shaniece felt more inspired than ever before after witnessing what happened with her sister. When Shaniece’s time to give back finally happened, she didn’t know how it would work.
Her Promise
The Beginning
Shaniece was only 21 years old when she met Steve and Joanna, a couple that was in a similar position as Josh and Linda were before. Shaniece told Steve and Joanna that she’d love nothing more than to help them and deliver their baby, and they were over the moon with excitement. Finally, Shaniece was being given her opportunity to change someone else’s life.
The Beginning
Los Angeles
Shaniece took a flight all the way to Los Angeles to get the medical procedure, then flew back home afterward. Shaniece had an image in her head of how the next nine months would go for her, and she was definitely mistaken by her thoughts. Things did not go as smoothly as she’d hoped for.
Los Angeles
A Gut Feeling
Shaniece said with full confidence, “I was only 21 at the time, but even so, I wasn’t interested in partying or drinking. I truly wanted to help a couple fulfill their dream of having a family”. When Shaniece shared the news, the couple was ecstatic to find out that the treatment took and Shaniece was pregnant.
A Gut Feeling
Needed A Check-Up
Though Shaniece got pregnant quite easily, she could tell there was something a bit off about this. She felt like something was off with her body, but not in the normal way that pregnancy always makes you feel a bit off. She knew in her gut that she needed to go see a doctor.
Needed A Check Up
Lucky
She only knew one other person that had ever been a surrogate, and it was Josh’s sister. She experienced nausea, lack of sleep, and intense sickness until she was eight months pregnant, so Shaniece felt lucky that she wasn’t having these feelings. Still, she felt worried and knew something needed to be checked on.
Lucky
Bulging
Shaniece was lucky in the fact that she felt like this pregnancy wasn’t really affecting her daily life at all. In her second trimester, however, she felt like something was really off and didn’t know exactly what it could be. Her stomach kept growing and she felt this wasn’t quite normal.
Bulging
Not Okay
When she just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with her, she knew that she needed to get in touch with her doctor and get herself checked out. She didn’t feel ill or feel much of any pregnancy symptom, but she knew for certain that something here wasn’t right.
Not Okay
Her Check-Up
She just passed the line into her third trimester when she went to the doctor for her scan. She was shaking her leg and picking at her nails because she couldn’t help but feel a bit impatient to find out what was going on inside of her evergrowing belly. She just wanted to be sure everything was okay.
Her Check Up
Getting Nervous
When her doctor returned to the room with paperwork in his hands, he was completely silent. She just wanted to know what was going on with the baby, and she needed him to tell her what it was. She was getting more nervous by the minute!
Getting Nervous
Worried
Shaniece knew that if something happened to the baby and it was her fault, she wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of letting Steve and Joanna down. They wanted a baby so badly, and they were counting on her to give one to them. The doctor finally opened his mouth to tell Shaniece what the news was…
Worried
Revelation
Dr. Ryan looked relieved as he looked at Shaniece and said, “Your babies are perfectly fine”. Shaniece also felt relieved at first, but then she realized he said babies, not baby. He said, “You’re having triplets”. All of a sudden, she got nervous. Steve and Joanna wanted one baby, not three. How would they react to this?
Revelation
Blowing Up
When she told Steve and Joanna, they were thrilled. Shaniece automatically felt a sense of relief. With each passing week, her stomach just kept growing. She was an unbelievable size, and her entire body ached, but she knew she was doing a good thing here.
Blowing Up
Explanation
Shaniece decided to clear the air on some surrogacy misconceptions in hopes that people would understand more. She said, “I think many people presume that you have to use your own eggs when you’re acting as a surrogate, but that’s not the case at all.” She felt the need for people to know exactly where she was coming from.
Explanation
Selfless Act
Shaniece continued, “When I went to Los Angeles I had Steve and Joanna’s embryo inserted into my body, so biologically it truly is not my child, it is fully theirs. I was just the host womb.” The more she kept on, the more courageous this seemed.
Selfless Act
A Physical Toll
It’s not a lie that there are psychological concerns when you’re acting as a surrogate for someone, especially someone you don’t know very well. On top of this, though, there are also serious physical consequences. Carrying one child isn’t easy, but carrying three babies for nine months is nothing to joke about.
A Physical Toll
Had To Be Strong
This physical toll took some extra demand from Shaniece since she was still quite young. Her body started to feel the effects of pregnancy very quickly, but she knew that she didn’t have much of a choice but to push through and remain strong. She just kept reminding herself of what an amazing thing she was doing.
Had To Be Strong
Effects
In an interview that Shaniece did after the babies were born, she spoke freely about the physical tolls that being a surrogate took on her body. She opened up by saying, “I’m in a relationship now and would like to have more children one day…”
Effects
Helpful Words
She continued, “…I’ve had a miscarriage, so sometimes I do wonder if carrying the babies had an effect on my body.” Even still, she was able to impart courageous words to others. She wants other people to have the same incredible life-changing experience that she also had.
Helpful Words
Advice
Shaniece had some words of advice for anyone out there in the world that was considering acting as a surrogate for a family who needs one, “My advice for anyone thinking about surrogacy is to make sure you’ve done your research, and that you have support around you.” We think those are some good tips.
Advice
Trying To Help
There are many other factors that you should take into consideration if you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate. Shaniece had just spent nine months of life experiencing every second of this life-changing situation, so she wanted to talk about it as publicly and freely as she possibly could in order to bring more light to it, in hopes that someone else would be inspired to become a surrogate.
Trying To Help
Compensation
Shaniece wanted to make one thing clear as could be, though, for anyone in the world who was listening to her. She stated, “You don’t get paid to be a surrogate! You get expenses for your travel and medical bills, but you don’t get paid. So if you’re looking to make money on this, it isn’t for you.”
Compensation
Not Important
She knew that people would try to become a surrogate just for the monetary compensation if she didn’t make this one big detail quite clear, so she knew she needed to say it. For Shaniece, and everyone else who has the same heart as she does, getting paid or not didn’t factor into their decision to become a surrogate. All she wanted to do was help someone.
Not Important
Adocacy
After she had personal experience in being a surrogate, Shaniece felt more inspired than ever before to advocate and fight to change the surrogacy laws in the country where she was born and raised. She felt very strongly that the surrogacy laws that currently stood in the United Kingdom did not give biological parents enough personal control in their situation.
Advocacy
Fighting For What’s Right
The surrogacy laws in the United Kingdom are nowhere near as advanced and inclusive as they are in the United States, and after experiencing these injustices first hand, Shaniece wanted to do everything she could to fight for fair rights for everyone who wanted to be involved in surrogacy.
Fighting For What’s Right
Clueless
Shaniece had never gone through a pregnancy before, so she wasn’t sure how to explain this situation to people. She explained, “Throughout the pregnancy, I had all the questions about the babies directed at me, for example, birth plans, vaccinations, scan dates, everything.” We can imagine this is hard for someone who’s never gone through it before.
Clueless
A Good Team
Of course, Shaniece wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for Joanna and Steve needing her help to start a family, and the more questions she had thrown at her, the more grateful she felt for their support. She said, “I would just turn to Joanna and Steve and say, ‘what do you want to do?'” She felt like they were as supportive as they could be.
A Good Team
Time For A Change
Shaniece elaborated even more on this topic by saying, “…it was my body, but they weren’t my babies. If the law could change so parents could make the decisions it would be much easier on both parts”. We bet other surrogate mothers and families facing these difficulties can relate to what Shaniece is saying.
Time For A Change
Delivery
Shaniece ended up giving birth to three beautiful and healthy babies. The two girls were named Daisy and Willow, and the boy was named Harrison. Shaniece still couldn’t believe that she was the one who was responsible for making this family’s dream of having children come to life.
Delivery
So Fulfilled
Shaniece said that she wouldn’t change even one thing from the experience she had with Steve and Joanna. She said with pride, “Even though I was only 21 years old and it was a big responsibility to carry their babies, it was the best experience of my life.”
So Fulfilled
Her Experience
Shaniece recalled that she had no morning sickness and no cravings throughout the entire pregnancy and that she felt the whole nine months simply flew by. She said, “With the support of Joanna and Steve, it was amazing, and I would recommend it to anyone.”
Her Experience
Wasn’t A Goodbye
Luckily, after she gave birth Shaniece did not have to say goodbye to these babies forever. After she spent nine months with them in her belly, she wanted to somehow be in their lives, in whatever way Steve and Joanna felt comfortable. Would they let her do this?
Wasn’t A Goodbye
Motivation
Before Daisy, Harrison, and Willow could go home for the first time, they spent two weeks in the intensive care unit in the hospital, which is normal for multiples. Of course, their parents were just happy that their babies had finally arrived and were perfectly healthy, so they didn’t mind if they had to stay in the hospital for a little extra time.
Motivation
Happy To Share
Every year on the triplets’ birthday, Shaniece always flies to Los Angeles to visit them and celebrate. Many people in their lives questioned her motivations behind doing this, so she opened up and started talking about it. She did not feel like she had anything to keep or hide from anyone, so she was okay with opening up.
Happy To Share